As I was growing up, I recall that whenever we had puja at home or visited any religious site, my parents would always remind three of us:
“अपन पुरबज आ घर के गोसाईं (कुलदेवता) के ध्यान करब,” meaning “remember your ancestors and the house-God,” before starting any rituals.
At the time, I didn’t think much of it, but as I reached high school, I became curious about why we were instructed to do these two things before beginning any festivities. As home is the first school, I started asking all these questions to my parents and grandparents.
As I began to piece together all the information, it revealed a profound explanation of how these practices are deeply rooted in our connection with nature. They highlight the intangible relationship between the environment, the ancestors and human emotions. They explained that we honor our ancestors first because they are the source of our lineage, and it’s important to always show respect for our origins.
In Nepal, we follow a lunar calendar based on the moon’s phases, with each month covering the waxing and waning periods, which each last approximately fifteen days. We dedicate an entire fifteen-day period to celebrating our lineage and honoring our ancestors according to the rituals of Sanatan Dharma also called as “पितृ पक्ष, Pitru-Paksha/ Sorah Shraddha”.
Timing & Rituals
Pitru/Pitri-Paksha begins on the full moon day, Purnima (पूर्णिमा, प्रतिपदा), of Bhadra (usually in September). This period includes the following days: प्रतिपदा (first), द्वितिया (second), तृतीया (third), चतुर्थी (fourth), पञ्चमी (fifth), षष्ठी (sixth), सप्तमी (seventh), अष्टमी (eighth), नवमी (ninth), दशमी (tenth), एकादशी (eleventh), द्वादशी (twelfth), त्रयोदशी (thirteenth), चतुर्दशी (fourteenth), and औंसी (fifteenth/new moon). In our lunar calendar, which covers approximately thirty days each month, these days span ~15 days of the above-mentioned days, between the new moon and full moon phases. We honor our ancestors on two days: once on the specific day (thithi) they left their mortal body and once again during Pitru-Paksha on the corresponding thithi.
Shraddha involves chanting mantras, for Yama (king of pitrilok), Vishnu (Lord of creation), remembering the ancestors, offering rice pudding, and presenting pindas (cooked rice, barley mixed with clarified butter, ghee, and teel (sesame seeds) on banana leaves. This ritual is typically performed by the eldest son of the family, and it begins with a holy bath in a river, followed by wearing a khush/kuśa (कुशः) ring. The food is supposed to be accepted by the ancestors if the crow consumes, as crow is the messenger of the Yama (King of the Yamalok). According to Sanatan Dharma, there are three realms of existence: Mrityulok (earth), Yamalok (Pitrilok), and Swargalok (heaven). Ancestors can only ascend to Swargalok as Moksha (salvation) once they receive pindadan. Apart from crows, food is offered to crows, and dogs as well. However, as times have changed and respect for ancestors extends to both genders, daughters also participate in paying homage. An important aspect of Pitru-Paksha is Jivitputrika, one of the celebrated festivals by mothers in Mithila, observed from the eighth to the tenth day of Shraddha, when women honor their female ancestors. When I asked my mother why, she explained that while tarpan (offering water) is performed by men, the grains used in the offerings are typically provided by women.
Stories
One story from the Mahabharat, set in the Dwapar Yuga, recounts that after Karna’s death, he arrived in Swargalok (heaven) where everything he touched to consume turned to gold. However, King Indra of Swargalok explained to him that his inability to perform pindadaan and his focus solely on donating jewels had led to his current plight. This was why he was suffering despite his generosity. He was allowed to go back to earth during the fifteen days, to perform the rituals and get over with the curse from his ancestors.
Although I was raised in a household that was guided by both Sanatan Dharma and Buddhism, paying homage to ancestors is a common practice across various religions and cultures worldwide, including Christianity and Islam. There are many stories around the world that highlight the celebration of ancestors.
Even those who don’t believe in any religion/disciplines/probability believe in showing respect to their ancestors. Regardless of the religion or tradition we follow, it’s crucial to never forget our origins. Staying connected to our roots helps us preserve our cultural heritage and pass it on to future generations. Additionally, when families unite to pay tribute to their ancestors, it fosters emotional bonds and strengthens family connections.
In our materialistic world, where competition often takes precedence and we sometimes struggle to find time for shared meals, it is essential to come together as a family and a community. Showing respect to those who are with us is equally important. We can mock the established rituals, but it helps when we start to find the reasoning behind it. In the end, life isn’t just about having fun; it’s ultimately the culmination of all the relationships we build and nurture.
We should always remember that we stand on the land where our ancestors are at rest. When their bodies were cremated, they turned to ash and became part of the earth. Their presence is in the soil we walk on, and the air we breathe, as the ash has integrated into these elements. While we may advance materially and even venture to Mars, we cannot replace the five basic elements of life: air, water, soil, fire, and space!
The conclusion of Pitru-Paksha also marks the beginning of Dashain, one of the most significant festivals in Sanatan Dharma. And now I understand the exact meaning of
“अपन पुरबज आ घर के गोसाईं (कुलदेवता) के ध्यान करब”.
Stay tuned for the story about गोसाईं in next piece!
